


Ghoulstuck

by daisyming, orphan_account



Category: Homestuck, Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, additional characters and ships, your overlords have no idea what they're doing sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 16:56:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4229640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisyming/pseuds/daisyming, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First, Kaneki and Hide fuck up, and end up playing Sburb. Then, Saiko fucks up even more and suddenly she, Sasaki, the Quinx squad, and a few others are also playing Sburb. Meanwhile, everyone else dies, including them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. :1 retpahC

**S U N S H I N E  B E I N G  D O N E  W I T H  S U N S H I N E**

Hide opened his eyes, immediately sitting up and narrowing them again. For once, it wasn’t because of the early morning way too bright sun. His Kaneki senses were tingling. He turned to look at his cellphone, grabbing it and flicking past the lockscreen, letting out an annoyed “tch” at the need for a passcode. If people could only just learn to stay the fuck away from his phone, he wouldn’t need one.

He opened his messages, finding none new since he and Kaneki stayed up practically the whole night texting each other.

_Hide: Kaaaaaanekiiiiiii_

_Kaneki: Hide stfu it’s 6 AM_

_Hide: But the sun’s awake, so I’m awake_

_Kaneki: Hide no_

_Hide: Hide yes_

_Kaneki: I’m going back to bed_

_Hide: The moon is done for the night, Kaneki. Time to wake uuuuuuup!_

_Kaneki: no._

_Hide: I’ll pay for coffee._

_Kaneki: uuuuuuugh fine._

_Hide: I’ll be waiting (right outside your bedroom door)~_

_Hide: You said I’d get to see Harry Potter_

_Kaneki:_

 

**~**

 

Kaneki jumped, somehow, despite currently laying down, as his bedroom door suddenly burst open as Hide waltzed in singing Flyers.

“Kanekiiiiii, you said you were getting ready so I could pay for the coffeeeeeeee,” Hide whined, pulling the covers off the literal walking tragedy moon child.

Kaneki groaned, accepting that his futile attempts to throw his literal sunshine weren’t going to get him anywhere as he was pulled up and off the bed, legs hanging limp as he was then dropped to the floor while Hide danced around in his room. Hide paused next to his drawers, (seemingly) randomly picking out a top, pair of pants, and boxers for Kaneki to wear, frowning at the for-some-reason empty socks drawer.

“Kaneki? Where did all your socks go?”

“How am I supposed to know? It’s 6:14 AM,” he frowned, “wait, how did you get here so fast?”

“Magic Hide powers. Now,” Hide chucked the clothes at his head, “go shower and get changed. Seriously. I need coffee.”

“So,” Kaneki quietly asked, “you were saying something about a new game last night?”

“Mm,” Hide confirmed, “I think it was called sburb, it seems cool.”

Hide eyed the book in Kaneki’s hands.

 _Takatsuki Sen,_ he confirmed. _How to tell whether or not Kaneki was okay: the chin, the book, and the Kaneki._

**~**

 

_“Early this morning, several unidentified male bodies were discovered in the Aqua Building, a commercial facility in Tokyo’s 20th ward._

_The saliva that was retrieved from the bodies is believed to be belonging to ghouls._

_The incident is currently being investigated as a ghoul crime-”_

Hide’s abrupt laughter cut through the reporter’s voice as he banged the flat of his hand against the table, head resting on one arm.

“It’s not that funny,” Kaneki glared indignantly.

“I’m just saying, you can’t have a first date at a bookstore, right?”

Kaneki had raised his cup of coffee, which was filled exactly 101% (Hide knew) with cream.

“Why not? She might even be thrilled!”

“I’ll state for the record: that won’t happen. Case dismissed.”

“Huh?” Kaneki continued glaring, clearly offended, though not that much. “Then, first, I’ll take her out to Big Girl, and we’ll get a hamburger.”

Hide began snickering again, making sure to cover up his yandere sadness.

“I’m being serious here.”

“Kaneki, honey, no. Although seriously, it’s great! It’s just like you!” he leaned his head on his arm, now facing the ravenette. “But, as a date, it’ll be a total flop.”

“Nnngh, is everything I do wrong?” He turned to take a glance out the window, before asking for the advice Hide seemed to think he obviously needed, “Hide, what would you do?”

“Listen up. When planning a date, you always have to pick a place where the girl will have fun.”

“Such as?”

“Huh? S-Such as…”

“You have no clue either, do you?”

“If I knew,” Hide sighed, “I wouldn’t be here spending my morning off going on a date with you.”

“I guess that’s true.”

Hide’s eyebrow furrowed as he looked up at the sky through the window, frowning at how little faith Kaneki seemed to have in him. He turned back around, listening in to the radio as it went on about how there was likely only one culprit behind the incidents.

“That’s pretty close by, huh?” he suddenly leaned forward, mentally rememorizing Kaneki’s soft but slightly chapped lips for future reference. Realizing what he had done, he quickly thought up a cover.

“So? So, so, so?”

Kaneki awkwardly sat there all Kaneki-like as Hide remained in his current position right in front of his face.

“Who is the cute girl you mentioned?”

Kaneki pulled back slightly, with a blush. Hide turned to the purple waitress.

“That’s her, right?”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Hide, she’s also quite cute, but…”

“Kaneki, the cute purple waitress is her,” he paused, before yelling out a loud, “excuse me!” to draw her attention. “One cappuccino, please! And you, Kaneki?”

“One cappuccino,” Touka muttered, scribbling Hide’s order down on a small notepad.

“And also,” Hide smiled up at her, “what’s your name?”

“Hide!” Kaneki gasped.

“It’s Kirishima Touka-chan,” Touka introduced, fake blushing as she watched the two, particularly the sunny one with the Sherlock Holmes-esque sixth sense.

“Touka-san!” Hide leapt up, surprising her, “Are you seeing anyone?!”

“Stop that, you idiot!” Kaneki not-yelled, standing up so he was just below Hide’s own height. Both were leaning forwards with their arms on the table.

“How lovely,” Hide crooned.

“What am I supposed to do if I get kicked out of here?! This shop is the one place where she and I both-”

The bell rang as someone stepped into the coffeeshop, Kaneki’s eyes going wide and blush immediately becoming evident on his face once more.

“She’s the one.”

“The chosen one. Harry Potter,” Hide automatically reacted.

They watched as she walked past, book in hand. Hide sat back down on his stool.

 _Binge Eater_.

“Give it up.”

“Huh?”

He crossed his arms, shaking his head.

“You and her would be Beauty and the whatever.”

_Beauty and the Binge Eater._

“The Beast!”

Hide stretched back, blatantly ignoring him.

“Well, now that I’ve seen you lovelorn,” he dropped a few coins onto Kaneki’s book, “I think I’ll be off.”

“Wait, Hide.”

Too late.

“See you later, Touka-chan,” Hide turned back to Kaneki, waving his arm in an exaggerated fashion above his head, “Good luck, delusional Kaneki!”

_So, Kaneki’s interested in 'Rize-san,' hm?_

Hide flipped his phone open, eyes tracking the page containing all the information CCG had released so far on the famous ghoul.

_Well, it’s not like I can make her just 'mysteriously disappear.' Though, if I were to contact the CCG… nah, then there would be too many questions. That cute purple waitress seemed to also be a ghoul, but.. Ugh, why can’t I just life?_

He looked up at the sky, beginning to skip along as he made his way over to his bike.

_The sun sure is bright. Maybe that’ll brighten my mood._

**  
~**

 

“I guess sometimes you get lucky,” Hide mumbled, stuffing his face with a packaged hamburger.

“Yeah,” Kaneki agreed, “what were the chances of us both liking the same novelist?!”

“So, who was it again?” Hide asked, already knowing the answer.

_Takatsuki Sen._

“Takasuki Sen?” he pronounced the name incorrectly on purpose, though he knew that Kaneki knew he had the name committed to memory.

“No, Takatsuki Sen!”

He merely laughed at the other’s reaction.

“We’re going to go to the bookstore together this Sunday.”

“Oh, yeah?”

No Kaneki, that’s my job. We go to the bookstore together, not you and Binge Eater-san.

“I’m not sure how good a bookstore date is going to be, but have a good time.”

He kept the betrayal from his voice.

“I’ll try.”

Hide pocketed the phone with a fake smile.

 

**~**

 

_Hide: Kaneki?_

_Hide: Kaneki!_   
  


******~**

 

Hide watched as his _~~boyfriend~~_ best friend lay there, unmoving below the crisp white sheets.

 

**~**

 

He gave a small smile to himself as he wrote his message, leaving it in a small plastic bag with a bunch of Kaneki’s favourite food, hanging on the doorknob of his apartment.

_“Congratulations on your discharge!_

_I formally present you with some high-quality leftovers from my place, along with your dearly beloved favorite hamburger._

_Be grateful, you nerd!_

_P.S. When you’re feeling up to it, come on back to college. It’s rough here on my own._

_Oh, yeah! Also also also, sburb._

_We literally downloaded and that’s all_

_Let’s gogogogogo~!”_

 

**~**

 

“Hide…” Kaneki whispered, “arigato.”

It was at that moment that he head the sound of breaking glass, and the bed which he was lying on began to float.

 

**M E A N W H I L E  3  Y E A R S  I N  T H E  F U T U R E**

 

“Saiko, Saiko what have you done?!” literally everyone screamed except Urie, who just stood there glaring at her like he was done with life. Which, he was.

“I don’t know!” she yelled, running to hide behind Sasaki, who just stood there frozen, rooted to the spot as the Chateau began to shake.

Saiko’s laptop dropped from his hands, and he quickly made a grab for it, managing to somehow catch it before it hit the ground.

Mutsuki jumped to the side as the floor fell away beneath his feet, grabbing Shirazu’s arm to haul himself further away from the gaping dark hole of death and despair.

The door flew open as Arima and Akira ran in, briefcases clutched tightly in their hands.

“SAAAASAAAAKIIIIIII,” Akira fixated her gaze on the half-ghoul’s threateningly, beginning to slowly make her way over as he held up his hands as though to say ‘it wasn’t me.’ She raised her free hand up and struck him in the gut.

“Mado punch,” he gasped out, bending over as he tried to pull in breath.

Light began to pour in from the open windows and doors, going at first from blinding to full-out Hideyoshi Nagachika.

Wait, who’s- Sasaki thought for a moment, before the light turned to darkness.

 

 

**F A V O R S**

 

 

turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering  ectoBiologist [EB] at [00:45] 

TG: john what are you doing 

EB: i thought rose told you! 

TG: rose doesnt tell me shit 

TG: have you met her 

EB: haha i guess you have a point! :) 

TG: ... 

EB: :( 

TG: youre pathetic 

EB: i know.

TG: anyway

TG: what the literal fuck are you doing

TG: its midnight

EB: doing karkat a favor.

TG: back off

EB: what?

TG: nothing

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at [00:46]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at [00:47]

CG: IS IT DONE??

EB: why is everyone awake?

CG: YES OR NO

EB: jeez karkat calm down

CG: YOU’RE RIGHT I SHOULD ***TOTALLY*** CALM DOWN. IT’S NOT LIKE I HAVE ANYTHING RIDING ON THIS.

CG: CONGRATULATIONS. THE AWARD FOR “SHITTIEST COMMENT OF THE YEAR GOES TO YOU, ASSHOLE.

EB: okay, jeez.

CG: JOHN FOR FUCKS SAKE IS IT DONE OR NOT???

EB: yeah!

CG: GOOD.

carcinoGeneticest [CG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at [00:49]


	2. Chapter 2

**K A R K A T  N O**

 

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  at [00:58].   
TT: Kanaya, I believe we have a problem.   
GA: What Kind Of Problem Exactly   
TT: Karkat.   
GA: Screaming Exceptionally Loudly   
GA: Yes   
GA: I Hear Him   
GA: Will He Stop Doing That Soon   
TT: I hope so.   
GA: I’ll Talk To Him   
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering  grimAuxilitrix [GA]  at [01:01] 

grimAuxilitrix [GA]  began trolling  carcinoGeneticist [CG] at [01:02]  
GA: What Are You Doing   
GA: Do You Even Have A Computer   
CG: WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE IM DOING   
GA: Screaming   
CG: EXACTLY   
GA: Might I Ask Why You Are Doing That   
CG: NO   
GA: Can You Stop   
CG: NO   
CG: DAVE ISNT ANSWERING MY MESSAGES   
CG: SO IM GOING TO YELL AT HIM UNTIL HE DOES 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering  grimAuxilitrix [GA] at [01:04] **  
**

 

 

**T H E  Q  S Q U A D &  T H E  K A N E K I**

 

**  
**

“Eh?!” Kaneki panicked, throwing himself off the now-floating bed. His laptop’s screen lit up as someone sent him a message.

 

_HN: Good afternoon, Kaneki-san!_

 

He quickly reached for the device, unplugging it from it’s charger before it could be sent crashing to the ground.

 

_KK: HIDE, WHAT ARE YOU DOIIIIIIING?!_

_HN: SBURB_

_KK: YEAH WELL STOP_

_HN: SOMETHING ALREADY BROKE, GOMEN_

_ _

Kaneki yelped as the bed gave a threatening lurch, kagune appearing to wrap around the piece of flying furniture. He flattened himself down on the mattress, hoping against all hope that Hide wouldn’t accidentally slam him into the ceiling. Or drop him. That would be bad.

_HN: Woah, Kaneki! I didn’t know you were a tentacle monst-_

_KK: Hide, stfu_

_ _

_Kaneki stared at his mysterious new extra limbs in both fear and curiosity, wondering just where the hell they had come from._

_ _

_HN: Hey Kaneki, not to rain on the parade, but, uh, I think you might be a ghoul._

_KK: Yeah, not to rain on the parade, Hide._

_HN: I’m being serious, man. Not to scare you or anything, but I know you weren’t a ghoul before._

_KK: ???_

_HN: I just know this stuff, you know how I am_

_KK: Yes I do, and you are terrifying, Hide_

_HN: You wound me_

_KK: …_

_KK: Put me down already, damnit!_

_ _

**~**

Hide chuckled from where he sat, legs crossed on his bed, watching as his best friend began to pout. He frowned, not having been expecting this. He had known Rize was a ghoul, and known that he needed to act quickly, but he hadn’t thought she’d try to eat Kaneki on their first date, let alone that a bunch of metal beams from an unfinished structure would collapse on them. Or that the crazy Doctor would try to make him into a ghoul.

_HN: Kaneki_

_KK: no_

_HN: Only one of your eyes is black and red_

_KK: what_

_HN: Your kakugan, the ghoul eye thing, it’s only doing the ghoul eye thing in one eye_

_KK: and?_

_HN: I think you’re only half ghoul_

_KK: oh shit oh shit I have to eat people now_

_HN: You might not, you might only be half ghoul_

_KK: what_

_HN: let’s just wait for a few days and see what happens_

_KK:_

_KK: Hide_

_HN: ?_

_KK: Thank you_

Hide smiled.

_KK: Now seriously get me down from here or you’ll be the first person I eat_

_HN: KAAAAANEKIIIIII_

_ _

Hide sat the bed down, Kaneki immediately throwing himself off it and huddling into the floor.

_HN: Aww, Kaneki!_

_KK:_

_HN: you’re adorable!_

_KK: I suddenly don’t like you anymore_

_HN: :(_

_HN: Hey, Kaneki_

_KK: what_

_HN: mind if I try something?_

_KK: please don’t kill me_

_HN: I’ll try not to_

_KK: comforting_

_KK: real comforting, Hide_

_KK: Really though, how are you not freaking out?!_

_HN: About what?_

_KK: Your best friend is now a ghoul!_   
_HN: oh_

_HN: because I’m Hide and you’re Kaneki_

_HN: and I’m your literal sunshine_

_HN: seriously I wanna try something out now shh_

_KK: …_

_KK: that was really nice up until the end_

_HN: I tried now shh_

_ _

Hide dragged his finger over the trackpad, trying to grab onto Kaneki’s leg, only to get a warning sign each time. He then tried to tug on Kaneki’s kagune, which were lying spread out on the ground around him. It twitched, and Kaneki jolted.

What…?

It curled around the frame of the bed, and he gently pried it loose, before pulling it towards the still-open door. Kaneki crashed into the doorframe with a soft “oof.”

_KK: Hiiiiiiiiide_

_HN: SORRYSORRYSORRY_

_HN: Kaneki, if you wanna come over to my house, I can help you figure all this out_

_HN: You don’t have to be alone, okay?_

_KK: Hide, thank you_

_ _

**~**

_“Sa- aa- ssa - ki - saa - n?”_

_“Saiko-chan?”_

Saiko’s eyes flew open as she threw herself off the floor, which was very uncharacteristic considering her usual laziness.  
“Muuchan?! What happened?!”

“Well, she’s awake,” Mado muttered, turning away.

“Mado-san? When’d you get here?”

They were in the middle of what appeared to be… someone’s empty apartment. Bright colours decorated the walls despite the lack of light, which was probably because it was night. On Saiko’s left lay Sasaki Haise, the mentor of the squad know has Quinx. Mutsuki was crouching down in front of her, holding her arm to keep her upright as she flailed about.

“We don’t know, keep quiet,” Mutsuki whispered tensely, gesturing to Sasaki, Urie, and Shirazu. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking in a breath, before deciding to hold a finger over Saiko’s lips when she tried to speak again.

“Special Class Arima-san is checking out our surroundings, we appear to be somewhere in the 20th ward, 2014.”

“2014?!”

“Yes, shhh!”

Saiko rolled over, beginning to shake Sasaki’s shoulders. His eyes cracked open, and he tiredly swatted her away with one hand.

“Maman!”

“On your.. left…”

“Was that a Captain America: The Winter Soldier reference?!”

He put his hands over his ears, ignoring her.

“Mamaaaaaaan!”

“Nooooooooooo.”

Tooru laughed, before quickly putting a hand over his mouth to stifle the sound. Sasaki finally pulled himself up, looking over to where Shirazu was leaning against the wall near the door and Urie was lying down behind he and Saiko.

“Worried?” he asked, giving a small, reassuring smile.

“As ever,” the squad leader replied.

The door opened, Arima stepping back inside.

“20th ward, we appear to be in the house of Nagachika Hideyoshi, someone who was once a part-tim-”

He was cut off as Mado suddenly cut across the room, staring right up at him with wide eyes.

“Hide?!”

“Yes?”

She began to run about, going through the hallways faster than a ukaku ghoul in battle.

Finally, she reached the door to his room. Around this time, ‘Uribo’ began to wake up.

He immediately, still lying in the same person, turned his face towards Saiko.

“What did you do?”

“I don’t know! I installed this game called Sburb and there was a light and-”

“Yeah, yeah,” he sighed, “I was there for the light (idiot Saiko).”

Sasaki slowly stood up, deciding the best course of action at the current point in time was to follow Arima and Akira’s lead and find out more.

“He isn’t home!” she called from in some other room, probably Hide’s -wait, what? When did he get a nickname?! Sasaki didn’t even know him!- bedroom.

She walked back into the room, heels clicking on the floor.

“We should probably leave before he-”

The door clicked open, a cheerful and somewhat familiar sunshiney face coming into view, rambling on and on about one thing or another to a very familiar ravenette who followed along behind.

“Err- Hide?” the ravenette asked, trying to get ‘Hide’s’ attention.

“Yeah, what is it, Kaneki-san?”

The blonde paused, realizing there were people.

There were around three seconds of silence, before a piercing scream followed by the door being slammed shut.

Akira sighed, reopening it and tugging the two who were about to run away inside. She glared at the ravenette, taking in his features.

He looks like Sasaki. Could it be…?

“Nagachika Hideyoshi?” she asked, closing and locking the door behind them.

“Y-yes?” he asked, nervously looking between she and his friend.

“Are in currently in affiliation with the Commission of Counter Ghoul?”

He shook his head rapidly.

Ah, that was right, he had longer hair when he was with the CCG.

“Who is this?” she pointed at who she had a feeling was Kaneki Ken.

“E-eh?” probably-Kaneki stuttered.

“Who are you?” she directed her gaze towards him, instead.

“K-Kaneki Ken,” he offered, looking down and unconsciously shifting closer to Hide.

“Were you recently in any accidents with steel beams or,” she paused for effect, “ghouls?”

“I was just dismissed from the hospital today,” his voice, at this point, was just above a whisper.

Her grin could only be compared to that of a wolf who had just caught sight of it’s prey.

“Mado-san…” Haise began, only to be cut off from her silent, unseen threat.

“I’m afraid we’ll need you to accompany us to the CCG then,” her eyes flickered over the two’s faces, “Kaneki Ken, Nagachika Hideyoshi.”

“Associate Special Class Investigator Mado,” Arima interrupted, stepping forwards. “It may seem like the best action for an investigator at the moment, but we are neither in the right time nor place. Besides, we don’t know what will happen,” his glasses gleamed in the light of a car racing past out the window, “if we mess around too much with the current timeline.”

She looked back over her shoulder at him, thinking about his words. It was true, Nagachika Hideyoshi given the CCG vital information which served to help it accomplish as much as it had, and Sasaki Haise, her subordinate, might not exist if Kaneki Ken weren’t… and yet, it was her duty as an investigator to eliminate ghouls.

Weighing out her choices, she seemed to come to a conclusion. She sighed, stepping to the side to allow the two further into Hide’s own apartment.

“Fine,” she fixated her eyes on Kaneki, “but if he tries anything, anything at all, I won’t hesitate to put him down.”

Sasaki sweatdropped, staring at his younger look-alike. Actually, they were in the past, so…

“Are you past me?!” he asked, jumping up in front of the two.

Kaneki leapt back in surprise, letting out a slightly loud “ _uwaaaaah!_ ”

Hide chuckled, grabbing his arm to yank him further towards the door leading from the kitchen to the hallway, grin on his face. Akira narrowed her eyes as his own flickered towards her, their gazes meeting for the smallest of seconds, amber brown meeting darkish electric pink. The corner of his lip twitched into a smile.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Neither of us have any idea what we're doing.
> 
> The Dark Lord of All hasn't Homestucked much, and the Neutral Lord of All hasn't TGed much.
> 
> Let's see what happens!


End file.
